I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
