i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
