omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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