we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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