I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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