SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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