btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
