She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
