yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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