Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
