This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
