The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
