my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
