Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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