I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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