He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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