The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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