I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
