My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
