But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
