theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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