I'm really into asian looking animals
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
