I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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