It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
