Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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