last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
