So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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