so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
