This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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