just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
