is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
