Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
