Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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