guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nicole vs. Life
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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