A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
