All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
