I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
