Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is my gift to your gina
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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