me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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