Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
