I hate your face
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
