The maid of honor just puked.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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