im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
