The maid of honor just puked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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