I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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