what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
