Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
