The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
