So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
