I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just cut my nipple shaving
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
