I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
