Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A+ Viking dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
