tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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