Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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