I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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