my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
