omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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