i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
