she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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