found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
