Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
