when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
