Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
