True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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