Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize