i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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