Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
