He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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