doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
