You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
