He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
