ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
