I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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