loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
