She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
