Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
