Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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