what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
