we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
